Lachesism: Finding a word that fits.

A hunger for chaos. Patiently anticipating a meltdown. Something to give you clarity about what the world really is when it is tested by fire, and who you really are in such a state of affairs.

The reason I love words and reading them so voraciously is so I may stumble upon a hint, an explanation, a sign of shared perspective and similar inner worlds. Sometimes I find myself wishing for harmony to be done away with, to be stripped naked, to be confronted by the climax thatΒ ‘ought’ to happen, so there can be a face-off, a revelation of secrets, a submission, an admission, a certain moment of vulnerability and intensity neither of which canΒ persist without co-existence.

There’s a word, and therefore there is a validation for the undercurrents of my soul. It is shared, I’m no alien or uncommon martyr or idiosyncratic eccentric or ill-tongued demon to reap thisΒ product of my tumultuous emotions. It is human, as it is shared.

What’s Scary?

This moment is scary. The past is our demons. The future is scary, because it is uncertain.

Certainty feels like doom- that’s scary.

But, choices are also scary. What if… let’s not think about it; it’s scary.

Not having choices makes me claustrophobic- that’s scary.

Being at the mercy of elements is scary; apocalyptic concrete jungles are scary.

Losing touch is scary; inadvertently hurting a loved one- damn, now that’s what I’m scared of.

Being hurt makes me feel isolated in a world of pain; goes without saying, loneliness is scary.

Crowds!- they threaten to take over you! SO scary.

Death is inevitable and that’s scares the jeepers out of me.

But sometimes I wish I could just be that peaceful and rested. Dang, does that mean I’m suicidal? That’s scary!

Imagine you’re a child, and it’s bedtime. Being told that getting off your bed will make you prey to monsters… yup, scary.

There’s a million things out there, and yet there’s a void, an oblivion.

There’s no clarity, and yet we grope around in hope.

Why is fear so ingrained in our hearts, imprinted on our psyche? The paralyzing feeling of fear, that’s scary.

But it feeds my ambitions. It helps me take charge and control.

It makes leaders out of mere men, and warriors from the molds of saints.

And yet fear, fear is so scary to embrace.