Value#2: (Sex) Positively Sensual

After much thought and many doubts and some aha! moments, I struck upon my 2nd value. Something that means a LOT to me.

Before I go into it, I wanted to write about why I am trying to define my values. Values, as I understand, are important for a sense of identity and confidence. My values are rather broad and basic, and aren’t too restrictive, because for me, identity is rather fluid. It changes over time, and it should be allowed to – in the self as well as another.

So what do I mean by being (Sex) Positively Sensual? Much of our identity is tied to gender and intergender dynamics, given how we are all born out of the coming together of the masculine and feminine, whether in spirituality or sexuality. These polarities, often cause some level of conflict in our lives, our sense of identity, and our approach to the world.

I choose to be someone who acknowledges the importance of sex and sexuality in the shaping of these realms of our psyche. I choose to be someone who talks about it, especially the sensuality that comes along with it. No matter what, we all live in the physical world, and the physical experience matters extremely, as nothing comes close to ‘reality’ better than the physical. Or so I believe. The sensory experience of the physical world is a very surreal form of pleasure, that is key to creating memories and registering experience, in my humble opinion.

Sex and sexuality requires open communication. It requires debate and dialogue. It is in dire need of building trust and openness. If someone avoids complimenting another, or does not believe in the mutuality of pleasure in a sexual/sensual transaction, then I feel personally disappointed for them, for I believe in its necessity for the human experience.


Here’s the first post about my values: on Community.


Value #1: Community


I am trying to contemplate and put a tag on my values. I understand that they are fluid over the longer run, but it pays to have them nailed and labeled, while approaching life.

A sense of community is an important source of value for me. In my early 20s, I traveled quite a bit and lived in close to 3 different cities. I have met several hundreds of people – in fact, facebook tells me that I have been adding an average of 100-130 people every year over the past couple of years, and prior to that, about 60 people every year for about two years. While that doesn’t necessarily mean that I have been meeting and interacting with that many people over the past 5 years, since quite a sum ought to come from reconnecting with schoolmates from my equally well-traveled childhood, that’s still a lot of people.

Has this rendered my relationships superficial? Nope, I wouldn’t agree with that. I cherish all of my friendships, and social media has definitely helped in keeping in touch, but what was missing is a sense of community. With a single friend, you have an equation. You likely picked one another due to shared interests or circumstances, and your ideas bounce off each other to form something more coherent and realistic. It probably even shaped your identity to an extent, but depending on the personalities involved, this could also cut you off from realistic principles of the world, partly because you picked each other to create this cocoon of security and understanding, but there exists a world out there that doesn’t necessarily agree with your principles and methods.

This is where a sense of community is different from simply having a support system. The latter is a subset of the larger community. A community is a system that can cause you discomfort, angst, and frustration. It exists as a transactional setup in the background, within which you can carve out various aspects of your life- your relationships, your career, family and home, and more. Having a sense of community helps you understand and participate in the co-creation of your image – your sense of self that you don’t invest in the same way as you do in intimate relationships, while still featuring on the spectrum of accessibility.

It helps you grasp the larger picture through experiential learning, and the ability to look past your comfort zone. It creates a sense of balance- this is why people choose to complement their work lives with volunteering engagements, a social life, a family life – a layered existence.

I believe that it is important to stick around long enough to be able to create this sort of an existence. I want that. It’s not a picket fence reality that I’m shooting for here. It goes deeper than that. It facilitates reaching out, contributing to shaping a society and economy, and leaving behind lasting legacies – this is important to my identity. It is something I value, and ‘drifting’, simply doesn’t allow me that. Connectedness and deliberate engagement are key.

Communities are not necessarily just physical. As networks expand, communities are becoming virtual, and the playground is larger than ever before.