I’m sure there are people out there who love the dating game, and enjoy going around getting to know people, and letting it simmer until it dies out (or otherwise – in which case, it’s a whole other story), but I’m not one of those people. At all. I’ve been oh-so-very happily single all my life, and my expectations of finding love has been almost fairytale-like. One day, I will have lost my Crocs, and someone will return it to me knowing that I’m one of the few girls who buy their designs- and I don’t mean just their clogs and mules.
Then again, as with most human beings, I have an inner conflict that arises from needing to be logical. Logically speaking, if I meet new people at the rate that I am meeting new people, and go about friend-zoning or professional-acquaintancing them as I tend to, I’m gonna have to fan-base the rest of mankind. Who am I to build my empire alongside then? Oh my god, who let the histrionics out!
Jokes apart. This entire pursuit, understood in its present framework, drains me. It doesn’t interest me at all, and turns me off. I prefer being a head person. I totally tried being a heart person for the longest time, and it led me back to my head- you’re intelligent enough, it told me. And so here I am, re-wiring my brain, re-learning social cues, and navigating through all of this. I am learning to not lay too much emphasis on the slightest gestures even if they catch my attention, because they might not necessarily mean much to the other person. Reading too much into it, is inviting oneself to run in circles. Symbols are open to interpretation, and if interest is as simple as swiping right, then it doesn’t amount to much does it?
That’s right, interest doesn’t mean much. If someone returned your shoe to you, it means they returned your shoe to you. It doesn’t mean they knew what your shoe meant to you. It doesn’t mean they are willing to listen to the story behind how and why you bought it. And with that, welcome to the world of choices, where you can show interest without backing it up with the willingness or ability to invest. There are all these websites and portals and apps, and matchmakers and dating coaches – I wonder if anybody finds anything close to magic at all. Then again, I always tell myself that magic is probably just the result of a carefully-constructed algorithm, so.
Am I coming across as too skeptical? I’m just tryna keep my head in the game, without getting over-invested, yeah?