Day 10: The Lightness of Being

“Let this be a fundamental rule of life, one of the most fundamental: whatsoever you are towards yourself, you will be towards others. If you love yourself, you will love others. If you are flowing within your being, you will be flowing in relationships also. If you are frozen inside, you will be frozen outside also. The inner tends to become the outer; the inner goes on manifesting itself in the outer.”

I read this yesterday, and it made so much sense. In short, it means to be a better person, you don’t need to show any acts of kindness. You don’t need to help another. You don’t have to save a life. All you have to do is be kind to your body (maintain a healthy posture, eat wholesome food, walk a while and enjoy all of it), be kind to your mind (Don’t overthink, don’t hurt it with anger, and don’t resist your thoughts, but be aware of them, so you are conscious of how you are hurting your mind), and realize that to seek any other experience than your own is to not be happy in your own self.

I’m incurably happy now. I feel connected to my past, present, and future. I feel like it is all intertwined. I am free from yearning for what is gone and neither am I desperate for what is to come. I feel overjoyed and light as if I have everything that there is to have in the now. Over the past 10 days, I have received more than I aimed or hoped for. I haven’t learnt anything, but I have unlearnt so much. There IS no quest for ‘truth’ or ‘happiness’. There is, however, everything in simply being. Being at peace, without conflict with yourself or with the world. I feel powerful. I feel like I have let myself in on an open secret- that I share with the universe. But if I share it with the universe, whom is it a secret from?

I am right at square one. The day when I said I declare my freedom today. Exactly where I intended to be. In now. Liberated. Free. 🙂

Day 9: Stop glorifying the past. Stop dreaming up the future.

You will never hear me saying things like, ‘Aww… I miss school.’ or ‘College- those were the days!’ I find that sort of thinking ignorantly wishful and distracting. Sure, it seems like I had a lot less responsibility back then- for instance, I wasn’t even responsible for myself! Some of my peers tell me that their dreams shined brighter back then. Sure they did, because you believed that they were possible. The more you visualize something (and you tend to do that when your beliefs are strong- so be careful what you believe in), the more real it seems. You always knew that a little extra effort, speaking up once a while, and doing that one crazy act will light up the room, and brighten the day. When did you stop doing that? When did you stop wearing bright clothes? Who blocked your obsession with those cheap shades that literally changed the way you looked at the world? When did you start thinking that your routine had become a rut? When did you stop being as strong and hopeful as you used to be?

You will never hear me saying things like, ‘In 5 years, I will have a fancy-ass job, and I will be doing X cool thing’ or ‘After <adulthood milestone>, I will live in <fancy artsy/futuristic/metropolis city>’. That becomes narrow-thinking. You think of yourself as being not affected by any external forces. Sure there is a chance of pleasant surprise and meatballs, but there are bigger chances of disappointment.

However, there are two thought about the past and the future that I do try and think from time to time-

1. Remember how you felt that day when you heard this song for the first time? Remember when you had an epiphany-like moment and you walked away happier and much more aware of your conscious self? Think about that. More. And use it in the now.

2. Think of creating something in the future, but with your present means. Be creative. Come up with at least one thing everyday. Some days I run dry, and I lose hope and mope. Then I dust off after I realize that I could spend that time racking my brains instead. Some days I can’t stop thinking of all the wonderful things that I can make, and realize that I don’t have the means yet. And still other days, I create magic. Yup, tis’ true. And there I find all the happiness that I spread across my lifetime. I create so that I don’t have to spread it out too thin and just enough.

Day 8: Frolic and blow off steam.

Always remember this bit from ‘The Shining’

You create a mental plan at the beginning of the day. Everything seems to go as per it for the next five minutes. Then it rains, nay, it pours. You aren’t carrying enough money for the cab, and there is no ATM in sight. You reach work drenched, and the airconditioning is freezing you to the bone. You can feel the negative energies around you, and you despise people for being overweight, slow, nervous, complacent, and ‘well-adjusted’. You try clearing your head and focusing on the job at hand before somebody else calls out for you and gives you some more. You protest, but they say that everything else can be put away. You overlook the fact that put away means piled on to your schedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow you’ll be beating yourself up over your short-sightedness. You end up over-thinking about all that you have to do, and decide you need to take a break. You feel a strong dislike for every entity in the cafeteria as they eat everything you think to be unhealthy. Your knees feel rickety, and your mind is swirling into this crazy pool. All you really want now are some crayons and music, and hours to yourself. Problem is, you might get the time, but you won’t get the peace of mind to enjoy it.

Some days I feel like I’m in over my head. Even a break makes me feel sluggish and at my worst. Like there is no way I am going to be able to finish all my work at a pace that I want to, and to deliver of a quality that I am particular about. There is no way I will be able to go home today and have the energy to cook myself a healthy meal. There is now way I will have the patience to talk to my loved ones. I wouldn’t be able to read the book that I have to return to the library in a few days. I will never be as well-read as I hope to be before my next birthday. My iPod’s running stale, and I haven’t heard a new song in over two weeks. There’s a movie that I want to watch but if I do, it will only run past my bedtime, and I will be listless in the morning tomorrow.

I’m in over my head, alright.

Stop.

Breathe.

Take a couple of hours off. Go outside and take a long walk. Skip a rope. Go cycling. Dance like it’s a tribal bonfire!

Really, doing something rhythmic with your body helps you blow off some steam. Probably because it gets the tap running with neurochemicals. They are like your brain’s bath salts. Hell, take a real bath afterwards. When you’re feeling all good and healthed-up, attack that blessed report that you couldn’t get past the structure of, earlier.

Works everytime.

Day 7: Stop fighting other people’s battles.

Some of us are horribly loyal. We defend the people we care about even against their own vices. We are blind to their faults to a fault. We don’t realize that we are taking on unpleasantness upon ourselves even while it is none of our business.

Eventually we leave ourselves sapped of energy and with a bad taste in the mouth. We find ourselves constantly going beyond what is expected of us, and sometimes the other person unabashedly leaves us out in the cold.  People become self-absorbed, neurotic-psychotic, and obsessed with gaining the attention of those people whom they cannot have. We realize this too late, but once we do, it is important to not hang around and recognize what could be a fast-evolving co-dependent relationship.

Two things that I have discovered to be of utmost help are-

a) Personal boundaries- I was friends with somebody whom I have, for my personal use, diagnosed with borderline personality (NOT claiming to be an expert or professional in related field). She has all the signs, symptoms, and childhood stories to go with. I have sympathies for her, and really hope that before she ventures into the next stage of adulthood, seeks for professional help and spiritual guidance. She often posits herself as the victim in situations, and disassociates herself from the bad choices that she has made. Granted, that sometimes all of us can goof-up. We do really stupid things, and have the good fortune of having our best friends around to help us get about the situation. But when it is simply a historical trail of messes that the person simply refuses to learn from, that’s when you have got to identify the red flags.

I won’t go deeper into the situation with the friend; however, it was a period of time that led me into a bit of imbalance. I completely take responsibility for letting myself be led on by her value-judgments of other people. I personally went and apologized to people whom I believe I had hurt during the course of my association with her. Some of them were broad-minded enough to empathize and accept my apology without slight. However, I had to make my decision about breaking ties with her on a whim. It took me all of two minutes when I saw all of the previous situations flash in front of my eyes, coupled with the circumstances in hand. I knew that this was not the person that I am (and I am a firm believer of being the company one keeps- more about that in another post) , and it was out of my hands to help her at this point. I realized that I would simply be discerning in making such a choice, and not judgmental as I had feared. The difference lay in the matter that it was not a one-off situ, but a habitual offence. I couldn’t offer to help her because there was no way she would accept it from me; in fact, she had just dismissed me as pretend know-it-all before I knew that I could not let it carry on. Here is a Christian quotation that removed all doubt from my mind that I must focus on regaining my own emotional balance, and not feel obliged toward helping her; it greatly help me set my personal boundary-

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

b) Prioritize- Think long-term. Then think short-term. Then think long-term again. It’s like crossing the road. You have got to look at the situation on either side. Are you going to save money on the chain-lock just so you could grab a quick snack on your way out, and risk having your mountain bicycle stolen- one that you broke bank to have the privilege of owning?

Similarly, do you have to put yourself in the line-of-fire fighting other people’s not-so-large, personal battles simply because you have convinced yourself that you are out to bring home some justice? For instance, taking sides over a trivial matter that nobody is going to care about in five years, but everybody will definitely use as an example for undignified, stubborn behavior demonstrated by you. Instead, give your opinion only when asked for. And if the consequences of the issues are not fatal or contagious. Like maybe a murder on the street? You have definitely gotta be worried about that! A friend got led on by another friend and got heart-broken over it? Help both sides feel better, but do not go all-out unless you are specifically asked by both sides to help resolve the issue. Even then, insist on your preference to stay out of the matter, instead of aggressively stating personal opinions about how the sexes must treat one another in all types of social situations. You are going to eye-rolls in return; no gratitude here preacher!